In a world full of sham, drudgery, chaos,
and confusion, a singular thought (almost) undeniably pervades ‘civilized’,
modern, industrialized nations self-privileged enough to host lotteries capable
of growing to epic proportions: What would I
do if I won the lottery? With an estimated $1.3-billion Powerball jackpot ahead, this is a question that is certainly running through the minds of Americans.
For
some, the idea that you pay a buck or two and get the understandably and
acceptably minimal ‘chance’ to win hundreds of millions of dollars—well, it’s obviously an inviting prospect—they "just don’t do it". But let the lottery reach unprecedented levels and the rhetoric changes: "Of course it seems legitimate just this once to step outside of my normal routine and catch a
small case of prospect fever: why not?" Whatever the rationalization, your typical blasé/never-play attitude toward what
you deem ‘remote and nearly impossible odds’ rears itself impervious to all but
the absolute remotest chances—1 in ‘the entire population of your country
or more’.
Others
take a more methodical, ritualistic approach to the lottery, playing occasionally
as you pay for gas at a station that sells them and you happen to glance at the
board that tells you whether the jackpot has reached some arbitrary point above
or below which you’ll nonchalantly cave and buy a ticket. I wonder how
unperturbed you will be when you win.
Yet
others take the prospect to entirely new level—some would call it a new dimension. You have your list of ‘reliable,
dependable numbers’ that have never hit anything (“but will someday; you wait and see”)—collections of increasingly superstitious
digits attributed to birthdays, holidays, movies, addresses, games, and pretty
much any other possible cipher combination justification imaginable—that you
shuffle like clockwork into the same
corner shop at the same times every
week, hand the same
already-filled-out play cards to the same
cashier, have the same conversations
about the same things you would buy
and the same things you would do in
the same places… Oh no! I’ve gone and
done it: I made the word same weird
by repetition. English is such a fascinating language!
Anyway,
preferences of lottery-playing protocol aside, lottery-winning is an entirely
different creature that requisites a number of critical steps in order not only
to remain sane, but also to maintain your newfound wealth.
1.
BREATHE
and don’t die of a heart attack! I know that this event is unlike any other
before and I know that, as someone that has never won a huge lotte…. Oh yeah! I’ve
never won the lottery so just pay attention to the first line. I’ll repeat it:
BREATHE and don’t die of a heart attack! You won’t get to enjoy anything if you’re
dead.
2.
FILL
IT OUT. After the excitement settles a little and you stop jumping around
flailing your arms about—possibly breaking things because you’ll ‘get a new one’—grab
a pen! That’s right, if you haven’t already, turn that ticket over and FILL IT
OUT NOW!
3.
KEEP
QUIET. The first call you should make should be to…NOOO! PUT THAT PHONE DOWN!
YOU TELL NO ONE! In fact, get rid of the phone—you’ll thank me later. It’s
already too late to go and try to collect your winnings so you just have to
face the fact that if you won on a weekday, you’re going to have to wait until tomorrow
morning; if you won on a Saturday, I’m sorry to tell you that tomorrow is going
to be the most excruciating Sunday of your life. Again, TELL NO ONE!
4.
KEEP
IT CLOSE! Honestly, this step is so simple: DO NOT LET THE TICKET OUT OF YOUR
SIGHT. Seriously, do you want to be the jackass that celebrated too frantically
and dropped the thing into your fireplace or some other ridiculous,
easily-avoidable scenario? No you don’t!
5.
BE
SENSIBLE. Since you have to wait this thing out, I highly suggest NOT ingesting
any substance that puts your life at risk in any way. Let’s not kid ourselves,
a large portion of American society is hooked on prescription drugs, and a
smaller yet still noticeably pronounced segment of the population enjoys
alcohol and harder drugs recreationally. Some of these people occasionally or
regularly play the lottery so if you
fall into this category, BE SMART! Keep the celebration responsible and
reasonable. You now have the funds to do literally EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you’ve
ever wanted to do—don’t fuck it up before you even see your winnings. Again,
you won’t get to enjoy anything if you’re dead.
6.
FIND
A LAWYER. While you are waiting out the night or the most awkward Sunday ever,
the most prudent allocation of your time would be toward researching lawyers.
Let’s face it, no matter the level of financial knowledge you have attained
thus far in life, you’re going to need a lawyer from here on out.
7.
MAKE
A LIST. If you’ve settled on a particular law firm or even several choices, the
next thing would be to start your list of “Things You’ve Always Wanted”.
Include all of the superficial commodities you’ve dreamed of—the houses, cars,
vacations, jewelry, clothes, etc.—and then SET IT ASIDE. This is important.
Trust me when I say that if you do this right, you, your kids, grandkids, great
grandkids and so forth will never have to worry about any of that ever again—at
least, as long as we continue using monetary/market-based economics. DO NOT
start buying all of this crap. You’ll thank me for this one later.
8.
MAKE
ANOTHER LIST. This is the one that counts. This is the list that is going to
set into motion the events that will unfold as ‘the rest of your life’. The first
part of this list should contain any debt, mortgages, assets, and any other
financial information about yourself that you will soon resolve. You don’t want
anything financial looming over your head ever again so it’s best to resolve
any of that before proceeding further. The second part of this list should contain
any ideas you’ve ever had for investments, innovative technology, and really
any other small- or large-scale projects that have interested you throughout
your life. As well, you should weigh the pros and cons of accepting a lump sum
or annuity payments. Use this opportunity to envision a better world because
now you have the means to actually affect a significantly larger change than
the rest of us ever will. Please don’t squander it!
9.
ONE
MORE LIST. Whether you would like to accept it or not, one day you’re going to
check out permanently. Now that you are mega wealthy, you’re going to be
putting yourself in situations you would have never otherwise found yourself in—some
dangerous; some deadly. Frankly, you need to make a living will. And (I know
that it sounds a bit paranoid at this point but it truly is important) remember
to TELL NO ONE! You need to realize that people will be crawling out of
woodwork you never knew existed trying to pry some of your wealth away from you
by any means necessary. A strong yet healthy guard should be maintained.
10. BE THE CHANGE. So now you have your lists
in hand and the day has come. It’s time to go present the winning ticket and
collect your winnings. Whether or not you go lawyer-shopping first is up to
you. Just keep in mind that before
you actually have the money, the lawyer has the upper hand. After you collect, you literally have all
of the bargaining chip(s). Some states allow you to remain anonymous so that’s
another thing that is up to you. In any case, may you choose to, as Mahatma
Gandhi famously stated, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” Be safe.
Be humble. Be the best you that you
can be.
I
hope you enjoyed my (inexperienced) advice. I’ll be making my 'Second List' and posting
it soon so stay tuned for that. I invite all of you to like and share this
status along with your very own ‘Second List’ to show the world what you’re
truly made of. You're all beautiful, powerful, amazing beings. So, I’ll leave
you with something I’ve been saying for at least six years now: Live. Learn.
Love…
